Managing Difficult Communications
When we started the Constructive Use of Communication, we shared on how we can use our social media to our great advantage. We can foster and build relationships through distance and time, especially with our loved ones especially during pandemic. Likewise, with the pandemic restriction and lockdown, our increased face to face communication in our home and residence, provides a time and opportunity for more interaction and communication with our loved ones.
However, many a times, too, there can be many difficult moments in the communications that can lead to strained relationships and even ending certain relationships when these difficulties are not managed well. Our fingers, mind and spoken words maybe quick to respond, too quick perhaps, that they can lead to uncomfortable and tense communication.
We look at some of the difficulties that we may face or are familiar with:
For example: In one to one or in group communication especially with persons who are important to us…
In social media chats and communication
- When I feel that my messages are ignored
- When I feel that one takes so long to reply my questions | requests
- When the person responds in a rude way
Likewise, in our face to face communication with another
- When I feel that my request for help or conversation are ignored or not responded in the way I expect it to be
- Or when my requests for help or opinions receives no response or ignored
- When the person responds in a rude way
I can have a sense that perhaps something is triggered in me as I wait or read the difficult messages or when I did not get a favorable response from the other ….
Managing Difficult Communications
It is our nature to wanting to make good connection and communication especially with our loved ones, where we can live our aspiration to love, support and connect with the significant other/s. However, sometimes, due to differences in our needs and expectations and our inner disposition and the difficult topic of discussion, the conservations or communication is difficult and delicate. When difficult communication occurs, we can sense that a difficult sensation or emotion can be triggered in us and may disrupt the communication, leaving a tense, unfinished discussion and strained relationships.
We look at how we can manage this difficult communication.
I ask myself, in the face of reading this unpleasant message or messages received that did not meet my expectation or difficult conversation that I am having with the person before me
I observe :
what do I sense I live inside me…?
- Is it anger, irritation, disappointment, hurt, ignored, a fear, a sense of rejection that is triggered in me?
- Do I respond angrily, in a tit for tat fashion, or am I silent, ignore or leave the chat group… or in a physical conversation setting, I find my voice is raised, or closed in, or leave the room?
Before I reply or respond…
- I Pause. I allow myself a few moments to distance myself and allow my feelings to calm down. I take a moment to reread and understand the message or understand what is said by this person before me. I ask myself questions to further understand and clarify the content of the message or what is being said, the situation or circumstance the message is written/said, and perhaps the person, if he or she is upset or stressed etc. or perhaps simply a typo error in the message. If I am having a face to face communication, perhaps I can observe the person – beyond the words: what is he or she wanting to express etc
- I sense in me, what is the best way for me to respond and manage this relationship and communication.
- From the very heart of me, the love, care and kindness towards the person. I situate myself in this love, care, kindness towards this person.
- I reflect the message that I will write or respond– is it helpful to respond in this way, can I reply in a way that is truthful to who I am, yet gentle and affirming towards the other even though I disagree or to clarify a certain understanding of the situation. What would be the right thing for me to do? How will I communicate it in a way that is respectful to myself and the other.
- I am present towards the other, consciously acting and communicating from the very best of me, calmly and gently towards a favorable outcome for both parties.
Also to note, the situation / context that I will communicate with this person ie personally, instead of in a group (if it’s a group whatsapp), perhaps I choose a good time to communicate, ie via phone call instead, or after office hours, or at a time that is suitable, where this delicate communication can be managed unhurriedly and given due attention.
We have a Choice
How will I use my Communication today? Am I aware of my way of Communicating? I have a Choice, do I exercise my choice of the way I communicate to foster and improve and deepen my relational life, with my loved ones and with my community.
What is possible for me today?
We have a choice to communicate from the very heart of us or allow ourselves to respond from the difficult feeling that is triggered. In fostering good relationship through constructive communication, we are invited to live more our relational capacities and gifts when we are faced with difficult communication; and that we have a tendency to reacting towards the messages that we receive, especially messages that unsettle us, an uncomfortable feeling in us. We can take a moment to calm down, and situate ourselves and communicate from the best of us. We need to practice this more often if we still have difficulties with strong reactions to difficult messages that we received. If it persists, we can seek accompaniment from a trained accompanist to help us understand and work on it, so that we can eventually overcome this difficulty.
Truly, we have a choice in the way we can foster constructive communication with others. We can build, inspire and empower others through a positive, and wonderful way of communicating that inspire life and growth in ourselves, our relationships and in the community that we are in.
So, we have come to an end to our blog series on the Constructive Use of Communication and the different dynamics that influence the way we communicate. Thank you for journeying with me. I hope you have found the Communication series helpful and practical for day to day communication with others, either through social media or face to face. I wish you well in communication and may you continue to grow and deepen your relationship with good practices and use of communication.
If you like the blog articles on the Constructive use of Communication and the Communication Interaction Dynamics and wanting to grow in your way of communication that foster deeper relationships, we have a series of workshop that will help that can help you. Check out these workshops
GRAC : Growth in Communication, Leads to Growth in Relationships
… for more info, click on the above workshop titles and Workshop Schedule here, or you can contact us to know more @WhatsApp +6011-1218 9331 or Contact Us.
Needing more support and help …
If you have any or questions or needing any help on persistent communication and relational difficulties, do get in touch with me, via Contact Us. I would be happy to assist in helping you clarify your relational; communication challenges.
If you have missed the past weeks articles,
Introduction : Constructive Use of Communication
Part 1 : Communication Interaction Dynamics
Part 2 : Communication Dynamics : “Me” in Communication | Our relational capacities”
Part 3 : Communication Dynamics : “Me in Communication | Our thoughts and thinking”
Part 4 : Communication Dynamics : “Me in Communication | Our Feelings”
Part 5 : Communication Dynamics : “Me in Communication | Our Body Speaks”
Part 6 : Communication Dynamics : “Our Messages in Communication”
Part 7 : Communication Dynamics : “Situation and Context of the Communications